Magicla Sea

I look over the Sound, and the smell of Sea reaches my nose, and I dream away, I grew up by a lake and now I reside by the Sea, it’s a sound, but still carries the smell of the open Ocean. I want to plunge in, swim away and maybe dissapear like a magical creature… Water has always been my element, born a Capricorn with a claim to be a unicorn, I have trotted trough the world of possibilities to become a water living creature.

I want to sit by the water and play a harp or a violin, like the mythical creatures of long lost fairy tales, I want to dance on the summer mists of the Sea like a fairy and I want my hair to smell like seaweed as of a mermaid mane. I once danced the nights away, now I mostly sleep them away, wishing I were rocked on a boat, forever and ever.

Growing up my family spent weeks on the water, in a sailing boat, it was small but carried the four of us. I learned to navigate, to be on the open sea with no land and only the sun, glaring in its own Swedish summer heat. I loved those summers, we slept at islands with names and no names, they were small and they were large and we had wind in the sails, from the south and the north.

There were nights when the storms hit us, and the anchors came loose, and when the boat just wouldn’t stop throwing my child body around in the tiny room under noose that I called mine. I remember those summers as the fondest memories of my past, they are trapped in a capsule of time, that I can never relive, because that was then and this is now.

And I am not sure if it makes me happy or sad…

Memories that hurt

Springtime in Seattle and I woke up just to roll over, looking into the greenest eyes in the world, when love hits, it hits hard. It had hit me so hard I was in pain, every nerve in my body was telling me to get out. The greenest eyes smiled at me, kissed me, I smiled back and wrapped my naked arms and legs around the woman that would be my fall. There with arms and legs tangled up in each other I knew I was lost, and mapquest would not be to any help at all.

We did laugh into each others breath... We did climb trees, jump bushes and there was mornings with coffee, rolled up naked bodies and tears. I sat in the bar while she was working, wondering why life was so perfect until we fell apart, until she walked away and I hated her, for a brief moment, just because it could have been all so great.

Denver this weekend...

Last game before regionals... this weekend! Yay!

Get your ass kicked by A Rat City Rollergirl!

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Score presenting at Jet City

It might just have been a dream

Summer was hesitating, and the rain poured down outside my window, and it threw me into a sad, sad mode, made me want to hurt myself, and by hurting myself I would usually turn to the bottle. I was just too lazy to do any other damage to my body, I think my laziness have saved me at tines. If I wasn’t as lazy as I am I probably be a heavy drug user and be covered of tattoos and scars by now. But me being lazy just made the whole thing to get to a needle place so far fetched and scoring drugs always seemed like such a task, when I could just lay in the rain and drink one, two, three, four, five beers and just watch the world melt away outside my window.

Occasionally I would draw on myself, I have someone draw on me, and then I would sometimes submit myself to really bad sex, but that was about it. Bad sex and fake tattoos. Sometimes friends would feed me drugs, and during one hot summer I actually took it upon myself to hang out with a speed dealer. Well, I admit he was in love with my little Asian gay boy, and Asian gay boy would giggle and say he loved me, so I never felt bad about sitting in a park snorting free lines and once in a while rummage my pocket for some spare change to give to the strung out guys.

My German really improved that summer, and so did my desire to get away from myself, to stop riding the U-bahn in rain thru the outskirts of a former war torn city. The structures around me where new in one sense but ancient in another, there were the impressive parade streets with a whiff of Communist glory glaring at me, and there was the few houses that outlived the RAF furious bombs, It fascinated me, I went to all the well known clubs and danced myself away, I drank too much, I smoked too much, and to drink more I popped tiny pills that made my feet move faster. I fell into a world that lived hastily during the nights and in slow motion during the days. I hid my eyes behind sunglasses, I learned the lesson, if you go out in the night, and you still need the sunglasses for the morning.

"Essentials!" my roommate Kaka would tell me and fill my glass up with more cheap fake Champagne. When we couldn't afford that, we would just drink wine with sparkling water that was almost the best. We would first order "Sect auf Eis" just to switch over to "Wineschorle" as the night progressed. Kaka was ten years my seniors and grew up in East Germany, she had glorious stories about her first blue jeans and climbing the Berlin wall when it fall! I think Kaka might have worked as a real estate agent, but I was not really sure, she was gone during weekdays, and in the weekends she would dance the nights always with me, she seemed to know half of the city and she would drag younger men to the apartment and take baths with them in the bathtub. I would long for something, but most of the time I would spend with gay boys, because they had the drugs, they had the connections and they always knew where the party where. I think I might have impressed people, I don’t know if it was my long legs, my bleached hair or my constant smile. But I never got turned away and I had a thousand numbers in my phone, numbers I did not remember how they gotten there, numbers I never called.

I met a male model who I had mutual friends with, I think he was getting drugs from a friend, I met an amazing girl and tried to talk her into skinny dipping in the polluted river. I might have forgotten what the sun looked like, if it wasn’t that I had to make it to lectures once in a while. I bought a striped dress that hung sexy of my body, and I felt like Blondie when I danced another night away and Kaka dragged home a new guy, swearing that he was the one, and I kept on sleeping on the couch in the living room.

One day it all came to an end, that was probably for the best... for all of us!

not so easy, but so hard

I met you and I fell so deep, and you fell with me and we had nowhere to hide from the raw feelings that were there. I saw you in me and maybe you saw yourself in me, I am not sure. I was so scared I cried, you were so scared you left me.

So now I sit, and try to mend myself and then I think it is to much and I cheer myself on with a gin and tonic and thoughts that I do not need you. Knoingly lying to myself, just because I can, yes I am good at it... watch me laugh out laoud, it sounds so real, but it is fake all the way... for now..
It was fast and furious, it was as if it was meant to burn out, as if we both asked for it, as if we could never handle that mirror of ourselves that I reflected upon you and that you reflected upon me. I never felt so safe as in your arms and I have never felt so left as I do alone. You made me mad, you made me all sorts of thing, but in the end you really made me happy and then you did what I feared the most, you left me...

I stood alone, and lone I stood, and I cried until tears dried up and I lied to myself.
I said it was OK, I said we could be friends, because my love was endlessly deep and I knew it was to burn and burst, that you would never change your mind, that I was what you was scared off.

I gave you my hand, my mind, and I could not hurt you, I did not want to hurt you ever, I wanted to take the stars down from the sky, be cheesy beyond, I wanted to heal that hole inside you, the hole we both have, maybe we just are born to try to fill that whole black hole.

Ages ago a friend coming off drugs told me, that people like us have a hole, and we will struggle our entire life to fill it, we will fill it in different ways. I try to keep off the drugs and the devious shots, because they fill the hole but never heal, and they never last.

I cried today, yesterday, and the day before that... and still I smile, because I know that it does not last forever and I know we are the ones that hurt ourselves more than anyone else.

I remember that one summer

I refused to wear anything that wasn't black or white, we went away for festival, and the rain poured down on us, and the headliner never came, and it rained even more. I made out with a girl, soon to be married, and we climbed around in trees, I learned to pee standing up and we bounced off tents. Someone had sex in a ski-box on top of the car, and the car was rocking, and I hugged, hugged, hugged everyone. My hair was long, and I didn't own a brush, and I didn't care, everyone else slept on the dry floors, and I didn't, and we worked, checked ppls wristbands, and there was water everywhere, still a skateboard contest, a motorcross and some wrestling... there was masks and I drank beer with a guy with a mask twice my size. And there were VIP tents that we were or were not allowed in, it didn't matter, because it was summer, grey, sunny and cold. Everyone froze and I ran, ran, ran and bounced...

I fell asleep in one tent and woke up in a different, and there was beer everywhere... It made me laugh and everything was black and white, I was black and white and colors made me nervous. I laughed at simple facts and found myself in a car eating popcorns and having dreams.

This was the summer before I left Sweden, and that festival, and my friends, and the rain, and the skateboards, and the laughes and the love people fell into will forever be a part of my life. And anywhere we went, they played this son, and it sucked... and we just couldn't get aways from it, and when I heard it, I once again thought of that summer five years ago...

I am a Rat City Allstar...

Yikes... hard work and more hard work!

Yeah we did loose it to DLF...

And it was sad... very sad...

Be aware I babble...

I saw you for the first time a long, long time ago, and then again, and again, and always in my dream you danced on broken glass, and no unicorn would come to your rescue. You laughed at me, in a mean and a good way… Reality usually grips me slowly, just to throw me back into a loop of time, that I lost in a very loving way, and I laughed at myself a thousand times.

We have seen an obscure German student city, where we competed of who could hit the hardest on our German teacher… We got her stinky Cheese from Paris, chocolates from Sweden and the best of it all stories in broken German about how retarded we spent our days drinking a striking amount of bad Rehn wine and Weiss bier… the more we talked the less she would teach and in the end I think she was really confused when we didn’t talk. And then we started over again and there is something to be said about that.

We have seen Barcelona, the beach of Spain, I had you fall asleep on the beach there after Sangria, next to me, I had to laugh, you were red as a freaking lobster, and needed Aloe Vera. We met friends of my dad, and they got us drunker, as if they or us shouldn’t know better. We missed our dinner reservation, and some waiter was probably cussing in Spanish about dumb Americans (and you are not and I am not).

We have seen Berlin, we never chased trannies, that was just a dream we might have had in our romantic past, and it made us laugh and there are a whole lot of them. They offered me speed at the bar under the subway station and laughed when I danced the night away. We sat on a train to the airport and the German little Chef lost his shoe and the little gayboy laughed out of love. We ran into the dance floor of an outdoor bar and took photos in machine then I sat on the swing over the river that parts Berlin.

We have seen Paris, multiple times, we lost a friend in Notre Dame, we visited the gay bars that Lonely Planet recommended, and we recommended Lonely Planet to make better research. We never made it up the Eiffel tower but we did found a Ferris Wheel, carried a baguette under your arm and drank red wine, lots of it, until we got thrown out of a cab in the middle of nowhere because the driver didn’t like us kissing and then you took a shower with your clothes still on.

You live in NYC, and I don’t and when I go there you always laugh at me, I wake up with my pockets full of one-dollar bills, I make out with girls and you make more fun of me, you take me to places where I drink tequila, because we always forget it’s not what we do, but they don’t have Fernet. I always say we should stick to wine and my glasses get lost in yellow cabs and life just spin a little faster. You tell girls you are from oil-money and I make out in phone booths. And I swear forever that this is all your fault! Don’t let me drink Tequila!

I grew up in Stockholm, you didn’t, you made out with my best friend and I made soup and glared at you, took you shopping for new jeans and glared some more. It was cold and my jacket was way to big for you and you made me listen to music and you still do. Remember how it’s gay when you only have one set of headphones and we both listen out of them, arms and legs touching.

I tend to forget that one time, you made me cry so hard that I might have lightly stalked you, because you were my best friend and you ran away, my heart broke a tiny bit. But that was before, a long time before.
I still dream you might be dancing on broken glass, and so do I from time to time and that doesn’t matter because we fill our time with better times and even if it ones was what we did not want to do, it still gives me great pleasure to be your friend. I really don’t know what I would do without you. Who to call when I crazily fallen for a girl or who to call when I’m drunk and counting cars?

My first game as a Sockit Wench!

picture by Scott Engelhart

Rat City Rollergirls Season 5, Bout 1 Recap
by Elwood Bruise

Grave Danger vs. Sockit Wenches

The game started out evenly enough early on as both teams took a couple of turns swapping leads. Although things weren’t helped out much for either squad as there were two jammerless-jams within the first 5 runs. With the score sitting at 17-15 in favor of the Wenches after 5 jams, Grave Danger threw the first big punch of the night as GD jammer Georgia O’Grief was able to earn lead jammer and take advantage of Wenches jammer Nasty Trick’s trip to the penalty box by wrapping up a 13-0 decision. After that, both teams clamped down defensively (including a stellar 8^th jam in which neither jammer was able to escape the pack for the entire two minutes) over the next five jams. Over that five jam period, the Wenches were able to chop 4 points off the Grave Danger lead. But the real turning point in this first half came in jams 12 and 13. In those two jams, Danger jammer Riot Act spent a decent amount of time in the sin bin. And while she was there, she got to watch Wenches jammers Swede Hurt and Juliet Bravo skate away with identical 15-0 runs that gave the Wenches a 59-36 lead. Over the final four jams of the first half, the Sockit Wenches were able to extend that lead out by 2 more points. Heading into the locker room after the first half, the Wenches held a solid 74-49 lead.

And things got a lot worse for Grave Danger in the second half before they started getting better. Beginning with Swede Hurt’s 9-1 decision in the first jam over Katarina Whip, the Wenches opened the second half by going on a 24-9 run over the first seven jams. But in the 8^th jam, Carmen Getsome put the jammers cap on her helmet and did her best to get Grave Danger back into the game. Early on in the jam, she managed to eliminate the mighty Wenches jammer Anya Heels with a good take-out during the initial pass. Even though Anya eventually got lead jammer, she still couldn’t answer to Getsome’s 14-0 scoreboard pounding which pulled GD back to within 26 points. Over the next two jams, the Wenches eliminated that score when Nasty Trick was able to pick up a nice little 3-0 run, followed up by Anya Heels monster 12-0 run in the 10^th jam.

This is when Grave Danger came back to life. Over the next five jams, the Danger blockers held the Wenches jammers to one measly point. Meanwhile, Carmen Getsome went absolutely wild as a jammer for Grave Danger. In the 11^th jam, she tacked a 15-0 tally onto the jumbotron. The jam after that, Katarina Whip kept that momentum going GD’s way as she collected a pair of grand slams for a 10-0 decision over Wile E. Peyote. Things got worse for the Wenches as Peyote had to start the next jam in the penalty box with the jammers cap on. It was probably all the more painful for her when she noticed Carmen Getsome on the line with the red jammers panty on her lid. During that initial pass, Danger blocker Lisa Lawless executed a text book block that cleared the path for Getsome to earn lead jammer and collect another huge jam, this time with the damage reading 9-0. Over that three jam period, Grave Danger had gone on a 34-0 scoring run and pulled back to within 7 points.

In the 14^th jam of the second half, Wile E. Peyote did manage to take home a 1-0 decision for the Wenches. But then in the 15^th jam, things got a little weird. For whatever reason, the Sockit Wenches weren’t able to get a jammer to the line in time for the start of the jam. Carmen Getsome did get there in time, though. And she made quite a bit out of it as she was able to collect 7 points and pull Grave Danger back to within one point with time running out on the clock. However, the jam was called when Carmen was waved off to the penalty box, thus creating a jammerless-jam.

Now, I’m not exactly sure if there is a rule for a situation like this or not. Although I do have the WFTDA rules here on my computer, I’m a little too lazy to go through and try to find the solution to this problem (if there is one). However, I can say that three weeks ago in Hermiston, OR the same exact situation came up. In that game, the Trampires didn’t get a jammer to the line for a jam. And during the course of that jam, the Atomic City jammer was sent off to the box, creating that jammerless jam. But in that instance, Atomic City was able to substitute one of their blockers in order to be the new jammer, while the Trampires were able to take one of the skaters who was on the track at the time and let her be the jammer in the next jam, too.

But in this instance, that didn’t happen. Getsome was sitting in the penalty box with the jammers cap still on her head while the Wenches put Juliet Bravo out on the jammers line. I don’t know if there was a line change there since I was busy scribbling stuff in my notebook, so I couldn’t report on that exact part of the entire situation. Between these two exact same situations, I don’t know which solution was right or which one was wrong. But they were two completely different solutions to the same problem.

Still, the two teams had to play the hands that they were dealt. And the Wenches blockers made the most out of that hand as they were able to spring Bravo loose for a 7-0 lead jammer decision as time ran out on the clock. The final score from the first bout in the KeyArena was Sockit Wenches 121, Grave Danger 113.

Three Stars

3. Swede Hurt. A nice debut for the Jet City transfer. According to what I have here, she was able to rack up 38 points as a jammer in 6 scoring runs. Of course, odds are she isn’t the solution for the injured Miss Fortune. But without her jamming effort, odds are the Wenches may not have faired as well in this one.

2. Carmen Getsome. 8 jams. 61 points. Not good enough for ya? Then I also ask you to take a gander at her 5 blocked jammers on the night, too. She scored more than half of her teams points while putting the jammers cap on in about 25% of the jams run on the night.

1. Anya Heels. It’s not much of a surprise that she starts this season out here on the “three stars” list again. Unless things change this year, I have a pretty good hunch that she is the best player in the nation not on their leagues all-star team. She scored 31 points in 5 runs as a jammer. But that’s not her usual gig. Blocking is. And she had a great night (as usual) within the pack by collecting 15 blocked jammers and delivering 3 big hits.

Key Jam of the Game

Really, it has to be the final two jams of the bout. With the Wenches not being able to get their jammer out onto the line, they dodged a huge bullet as Carmen Getsome fell one point short of tying the game up. Then with whatever happened after that, the Wenches being able to pull off that 7-0 run to cap things off.

Bad Girl of the Game

The Sockit Wenches Rebel Belle earned 6 minutes of penalty time in this one, and was also ejected in the first half for collecting 4 majors.

Stats

Jamming

Grave Danger (Jams-Lead Jammer-Points Scored)

Carmen Getsome (8-6-61)
Georgia O’Grief (7-5-24)
Killer Bee-otch (2-0-4)
Katarina Whip (6-1-19)
Jinx (4-0-5)
Riot Act (3-0-0)
Della Terious (2-0-0)

Sockit Wenches (Jams-Lead Jammer-Points Scored)

Swede Hurt (6-4-38)
Juliet Bravo (6-3-30)
Rebel Belle (3-0-4)
Anya Heels (5-4-31)
Nasty Trick (5-0-11)
Trouble Love Mimi (1-0-0)
Ima Handful (1-0-0)
Wile E. Peyote (4-1-5)

Blocking

Grave Danger (Blocked Jammers-Open Holes-Big Hits)

Carmen Getsome (5-0-0)
Katarina Whip (2-0-1)
Georgia O’Grief (3-0-1)
Jinx (0-1-0)
Killer Bee-otch (0-1-0)
Lisa Lawless (3-1-0)
Mona Lethal (3-0-2)
Sheeza Brickhouse (8-2-1)
Rosie Revenge (3-0-0)
Sara Problem (2-0-0)
Scarlet Leather (2-1-0)

Sockit Wenches (Blocked Jammers-Open Holes-Big Hits)

Juliet Bravo (4-1-1)
Anya Heels (15-0-3)
Caddie Smack (0-1-0)
Ima Handful (0-1-0)
Moe Ya Down (2-1-0)
Nasty Trick (0-1-0)
Sassy Chassis (2-0-0)
Shovey Chase (4-0-2)
Swede Hurt (1-0-1)
Trouble Loves Mimi (1-1-0)
Wile E. Peyote (10-0-3)

Penalties

Grave Danger (PIM)

Carmen Get some (4)
Katarina Whip (3)
Bruise Lee (1)
Della Terious (1)
Georgia O’Grief (4)
Jinx (1)
Killer Bee-otch (2)
Lisa Lawless (2)
Mona Lethal (4)
Sheeza Brickhouse (1)
Riot Act (2)
Rosie Revenge (5)
Sara Problem (3)
Scarlet Leather (3)

Sockit Wenches (PIM)

Juliet Bravo (4)
Anya Heels (4)
Caddie Smack (1)
Ima Handful (1)
Moe Ya Down (2)
Nasty Trick (1)
Rebel Belle (6...ejected 1^st period)
Sassy Chassis (3)
Shovey Chase (3)
Swede Hurt (1)
Wile E. Peyote (2)

Ahhhh... back with the Sockit Wenches...

I am such a happy little Wench, I am so glad that they picked me up, and together with my really good friend Nasty..
We will rock!

Sweden and USA

Sweden was great, I have my family and my bestest friend in the whole world there.
I had a birthday party together with my amazing stepdad and ice-skated, shopped, cross-country skied, roller-skated vertramp with the Stockholm Derby Girls, laughed, danced, cried, went on long walks, made soup, talked about the future, kissed and told , found out one of my close friends was preggo, another very important person in my life had married (I am still recovering from that)... so much happened in those three weeks... I missed Seattle and it was really painful to be away from my new team and close Seattle friends.

But for once I decided that this trip was important for my sanity, my family deserved some quality time and so did I and now I am back with more motivation and smiles than in a long looong time... maybe some tears once in a while...

Off the flight I got to see two of the awesomest girls I know and was brought to Wendys and Tullys... I'm looking forward to L-word watching...
Later the bestest petowners (I am their pet) of Seattle came and picked me up and brought me to Everett for Speed and Conditioning. I FINALLY was skating and turing left for the first time in THREE WEEKS... and I fell backwards, but it was fun... and skating after not sleeping for 24h might not be the best... BUT I LOVED IT, and can't wait going to practice with the Wenches...

It is always so weird, I am happy to be back but sad to be gone!

Skating with the Stockholm Roller Derby

Kodak Moment in the north of Sweden

Sverige, Schweden, Sweden...

Sweden, dear Sweden, spending time in Sweden with family and friends, this is were I am from, still I do miss Seattle and for sure rollerskating and derby.
But we all know, you have to try your best to be happy with the situation you are in at the time, and my time is Sweden right now, until the 11th of January.

And it has been a good time, it is cold and the streets are covered with snow and ice (and we drive FINE on it).

Christmas was spent with family, both my fathers and my mothers and best friend Em, mostly out at Ekero, with dog, kids, chickens and cats... and well, yeah, family!

We have been ice-skating, gone for long walks on the frosty streets of Stockholm and now finally me and Em gone to her mothers place up north to go cross country skiing.

It has been a little hard to keep on working-out everyday, but since I got the Getsome Athletic Derby Video I've been trying to get myself to do it at least three times/week. I even made my mother do it with me, and she was sore for days after. I like spending time with my mother, she's quite dynamite for her 58 years.

Tomorrow me and Em are heading back to the city, going to visit my mother on Sunday to go crosscontry-ice-SKATING on the lake! YEAH!

Only a week until my Birthday and the Birthday party! The day after I'll be on a flight back to Seattle and finally get to skate with Rat City for the first time since I got picked up!

In Sweden visiting Em mother...